Lack of painful attachment to something is perceived by many as not strong enough love. Psychologists believe that any drama with tears, hysterics, jealousy, any painful misunderstandings that lead to suffering, with love has nothing to do. It sounds paradoxical, but it is: love is always mutual. Feelings that are not shared with you, leading to a relationship in which you act as a victim, is nothing more than an unhealthy addict relationship. Any healthy person who encounters an unrecognized relationship will certainly experience negative emotions and will go on to look for a mutual relationship without getting stuck in a painful story. And only people who are prone to neurosis prefer to suffer and reflect on the fact that they are unhappy. Any emotional attachment presupposes some kind of dependency, which leads to a loss of dignity and low self-esteem.
Thus, being in a relationship in which you suffer, you become more and more connected every day: the emotional vacuum and the pain will not disappear by itself. The only adequate step is to defeat the attachment and to realize that this is not love. In love there is harmony, in neurosis there is only a leap from decay to euphoria, replacing the real emotional attachment.
It is important to understand that attachment in relationships is formed on the basis of very specific emotional processes.
Some people are so in need of love that they confuse it with total control, and passion with jealousy. The one who really loves does not enjoy what makes the other person suffer. Love is not a story about pain, but about joy and harmony, which contribute to the personal growth of both partners.
For emotionally addicted people, love is a drug, and therefore often such relationships are called “toxic”. To love without looking back, forgetting yourself, “give up everything” – these are not romantic examples of great love, but alarming signs. Neurotic addiction depersonalizes you: the person ceases to be himself, and this leads to a deformation of personality and a great drama of life.
So it is better to stop seeing the person if you feel that you are becoming dependent on him. Otherwise, your relationship will not lead to anything good, but will only have a negative impact on your emotional state and life in general. That is why you should always be honest not only with yourself but also with your partner.